


Best Christmas Ever

by FlametheSeraph



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Based on a few SNL skits, Brian and Alex are married and have two kids, Christmas, Comedy, F/F, Family Dynamics, Jay and Tim are married, Jessica and Taylor are married, M/M, Those yearly get togethers with all your really annoying relatives and the hells of such
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlametheSeraph/pseuds/FlametheSeraph
Summary: This year, Jay and Tim are hosting Christmas - and all the things that come along with putting twenty people under one roof.Based off a few SNL Skits
Relationships: Alex Kralie/Brian Thomas | Hoody, Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright | Masky, Jessica Locke/Taylor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Best Christmas Ever

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this waiting since August. I saw those skits and I was like "I have to write something." And this is that product.
> 
> Most of these jokes are taken from these three snl skits I will link below.  
> Warning for those family members who are ... I like to call it "Diet Racists", where they're racist but they don't know that they're racist. And those relative's that are just plain assholes too, or uneducated. All of it is in a light to make fun of the holidays and how annoying they can be, especially when someone brings up politics. We all have that one maga relative smh.
> 
> You'll notice that there's little - and after that is italicized text. Those are just the flashbacks, kind of how they do in the videos. Enjoy, and Happy Chrysler.

[Best Christmas Ever - SNL](https://youtu.be/4WvwX18oMR4)

[Home For The Holidays - SNL](https://youtu.be/VxVXYp2KIeE)

[A Thanksgiving Miracle - SNL](https://youtu.be/e2zyjbH9zzA)

It's Christmas Eve, and this year, Jay and Tim are hosting. The doorbell rings.

"Hey sweetie could you please get that?" Jay yells from the kitchen.

"Sure babe." He opens the door -

"Merry Christmas!-"

"TRAFFIC WAS AWFUL!" - "THREE HOURS!" Jay's parents step in. "WOAH YOU GAINED SOME WEIGHT! HE HA!" His father says as they walk by. Tim's eye twitches.

It's going to be a _wonderful_ holiday.

The guest list consists of Jay's parents, grandparents, his aunt, uncle, cousins, nieces and nephews. As well as Alex and Brian, their kids and Alex's parents. Jessica and Taylor were on the way too - and apparently Taylor's parents as well… (because why not at this point.)

It's a lot.

But they'll make it work.

\---

Fast forward to the next day, Christmas Dinner, the dining area constructed of several random folding tables and chairs that haven't been used in ten years.

Alex's father stands to deliver the toast.

"Before we eat, I just wanted to say a few words."

"Make it quick dad, I'm starving." Jokes Alex.

"I will, I will, I just wanted to thank everyone for being here, and not just to our family, but to all of you and your cousins and kids and everybody."

"Ahhhh." A few people say. 

"That's how it should be!" Jay's grandfather says. 

"I know all our lives are vastly different, and everyone's got their own problems and opinions, but it means so much that we're all so graciously welcomed into Tim and Jay's house for the holidays this year."

"And that comes from both of us," Alex's mother smiles.

-

_"Why the hell can't our son host this year!? We have to fly all that way!"_

_"Because Alex's house is a children's dump John!"_

_"Now I have to pay for all these damn airplane tickets! Hell no!"_

-

Jay's grandfather speaks up. "And my grandson's have been such grateful hosts, I just hope we haven't been a nuisance."

"Mr. Merrick what are you talking about, we love having you here!"

_-_

_2 am. Jay's grandfather is hacking and coughing, echoing down the hallway. Jay and Tim lay in bed, eyes dark._

-

"Can I just say, we were so happy this year to hear our daughter was getting married. Taylor's mom says.

"Awe mom stop it-"

_-_

_"Why can't I marry her!? Is it because she's white!?"_

_Taylor's father yells "YES!"_

_"You two are being so racist right now! I can't believe it!"_

_"Damn right we are!" Her mother yells. "No offense Jessica, you're a wonderful girl." She turns to her, sitting on the couch watching the whole argument._

_"None taken…."_

-

Jay's grandmother speaks up "And I feel so bad for kicking you guys to the air mattress because of us old folk…"

"No it's alright, it was actually pretty comfortable." Jessica smiles.

-

 **_POP._ ** _The small cramped mattress Jessica and Taylor sleep on deflates under them._

_"I HATE THIS!" Jessica yells._

_-_

"Now I could go on, but I know better then to let a meal Jay spent so much time cooking go cold."

"Oh stop, I just threw it together."

-

_Alex walks into the kitchen. "Hey Jay have you seen my -"_

_"NO. WHATEVER IT IS. NO!"_

_He runs away - Jay has never yelled at him before_.

-

"Let's eat!" Alex's father declares.

"That was beautiful, dad." Says Alex.

"Well said." Says Jay's grandfather.

"That was great dad." Says Brian.

.... Alex's father struggles to hold his awkward smile. 

They spend the next ten minutes in comfortable silence, fixing their plates and passing bowls around the table. Of course that's illegal.

"You know I heard the refugees are all ISIS in disguise…" Jay's uncle suddenly says.

"Oh yeah, that's true, I actually saw an ISIS in the grocery store today when I was picking up the yams."

Tim looks at Jay, 3 seconds from opening his mouth. _'Here we go again…"_

"No you didn't Aunt Kathy that was an Asian woman." Jay says trying to keep his cool.

Aunt Kathy speaks up again, this time to Taylor. "You know I have a question for you, why is it that your … friends keep antagonizing the police?" Her eyes go wide.

"Why would you ask my wife that!?" Jessica yells.

"Well I'm just trying to get to know Latisha.""

My name's Taylor!"

"She's a guest in our house." Tim murmurs under the yelling that ensues.

"Hey, hey, let's just calm down everyone, we should enjoy this day together." Brian interrupts. And everyone listens to Brian. 

"Agreed, I'm sorry Latisha."

"Taylor."

Things are pleasant … for a little while -

Jay's grandmother pipes up "I saw two transgenders at the airport, they actually look kinda pretty!" His grandfather kicks in "Very interesting trend this is."

"Oh my god." Jay groans, followed by Tim, "Transgender is not a trend Mr. Merrick."

"Well there weren't any around when I was younger!"

"Yeah they were there but they couldn't say anything so they lived sad lives and died!" Jay spits.

So dinner of course, went terrific.

\---

As the rest of the guests settle in for the night, the four friends sit on the couch, drinking wine. Jessica, Taylor, and her parents opted to stay at a hotel. No one blames them.

"God you won't believe what we saw at the airport yesterday." Brian laughs.

"What." Tim replies.

"You know that slenderman horror story? Ok - picture that - but he had a Santa outfit on."

"Pfffttt."

"Slender Clause?" Jay jokes.

They all laugh.

"A great way to end such a busy day." Tim says, rubbing Jay's shoulder.

"God I hope my family didn't ruin your day, did they?

"No, I loved that we hosted this year, I also can't believe your cousin made the drive…" Tim says.

"I know, it was so nice to see him...."

-

_During dinner._

_"Why do I have to take it off!? Why!?" Jay's cousin yells, wearing a maga hat._

_"Because this is my table and you're sitting around a bunch of kids-" Jay yells._

_"No! You're racist against whites! You're racist against whites!"_

_"He is." Jay's own mother nods._

-

"I'm so sad your parents couldn't come Brian."

"Oh no, they just don't do well around crowds-"

-

_Last Christmas. Alex's House._

_Brian's parents, while totally accepting of their marriage, are very - very - very Christian. Alex pulls the lasagna out of the oven, immediately dropping it on the stove._

_"Damn - that's hot!"_

_Brian's mother, who is just walking into the kitchen, faints._

-

"Oh and it was so nice seeing all the kids." Jay sighs.

"We hope it didn't stress you out too much…" Brian says.

Tim smiles, "No, no, they were the most wonderful-"

-

_Earlier that morning._

_Tim is getting absolutely mauled to death by a herd of gremlin children - then one starts coughing. "H-hey Brian? Is Tyler sick?" He yells, under a dogpile._

-

Brian turns to Alex, "I know you stayed up all night at the airport taking care of everything-"

-

_Nine pm. December 24th._

_Alex sits in the terminal. Their flight has been delayed. Again. His dad's complaining to him while his mother insists she needs her makeup bag from her luggage and that they should go to the counter and ask for it. The kids are running around, up and down the rows of chairs, screaming. He looks perpetually exhausted. But Brian has fallen asleep on his shoulder, and he isn't going to move even if god were to strike down the airport. They didn't make it to Jay's house until 1 am - Only to wake up again at someone's loud coughing. Bless Jay for saving them an actual room though._

_-_

"- I just hope they didn't make you too cranky this morning."

"Babe, I had a smile on my face from the moment I woke up."

-

_"DAD! IT'S CHRISTMAS WAKE UP!-"_

_"SANTA! SANTA! SANTA!" The kids come running in that morning, jumping on the sleeping husband's._

_"HURRY UP!"_

_"Ok, ok!" Brian says. Alex looks at the clock - 5 am "Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me…"_

_-_

"You know, I don't know what it was, maybe just the four of us being together, but I feel like ... this was the best Christmas ever?" Alex asks.

"Best Christmas ever…" Jay agrees.

"Cheers!" They clink their wine cups together.

"DAD! TYLER'S IN MY SLEEPING BAG!"

"IT'S MY SLEEPING BAG!"

"GET OUT!"

"I'll go get them." Brian says, standing up with a sigh.


End file.
